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There’s a male escort that writes a humorous blog that I often read. One of his more recent posts was about the various things people email or say to him that are awkward. As he is a gay male escort, a number of the more frequent verbal volleys were definitely outside my sphere of reference However, there was a bit of overlap. It prompted me to come up with my own list of frequent yet odd things people email or say to me.

For example, the emails that say: Hi.
Don’t do this. It tells me nothing – except that you are most likely wasting my time. Do send me an email that includes your name, a little about yourself, a proposed date/time for our meeting and a couple of references. If you do this, it lets me know immediately that you are serious about setting up some time. It also expedites the process of getting in to see me. If you send such an email, I can check your references and get back to you potentially allowing the entire intro/screening/logistics process to be completed in two emails.

Don’t send me a dick pic. Why one would send me such a photo is absolutely baffling. Is there really a contingent of men that believe providers are just sitting at their computers waiting to receive photos of their genitalia? If so, please allow me disabuse you of this notion.

Another frequent question is: why don’t you show your face? I can assure you that it is not because I am hideously ugly. I am a grad student at UW. I do not send face pictures to random strangers – no matter how much you assure me that you won’t share them. I don’t know you. And until we have an established relationship, this is simply not going to happen. Just as you value your privacy, I value mine. If you’d like to see my face, schedule an appointment and come on by!

Mu favorite: been busy today? So open-ended… so awkward… So open to interpretation! While from some it is clearly meant in a pejorative way, from others it is less clear. This is a particularly strange question for me as I am always very clear that as a low-volume provider I never see more than one client in a day. Thus when asked this question, I wonder… do you really want to hear about how I spent three hours searching the online archives of the British Library for an obscure citation…?

There are surely more quirks that I am forgetting so I will call this part one. Ladies – email me if you have additions to this list.